Lessons of 2007

Another year gone, another year to come. This is usually the time where people reflects, and make various resolutions for the coming year.

My reflections didn't go as far back as the entire 2007, just the later half. So many things happened during that semester. Experienced lots of pain, gained lots of advice from various people, and finally learn to put some of my "knowledge" into practical.

One thing I finally managed to do, is to let go. To let go of relationships, to let go of people, to let go of my failures and mistakes. It's not about not caring. But it's not letting them affect me. Relationship is something that I've always known I've to let go but never get to achieve it. Finally, forced to let go of that one relationship that's dearest to me, via the very hard way. Frankly, though it's painful, it's actually healthier for me. That's one thing that many self-help/growth books (and also the bible) will tell you, never let your life or yourself center around anything/anybody.

I've learnt to take things more lightly. As my sister advises, "for once, don't be bothered about how you appear to other people". Perhaps it's the training I've had for the past 3 years, plus my low self-esteem/confidence. I can be so self-conscious that I'm pondering over every word I say, every joke that I'm about to make, even among friends. That's probably one reason why I never "click" with anybody. At times, especially in unfamiliar (yet important) situations, I can get so self conscious that it actually ruins everything. Oh well.

I've always felt that social work professionals (i.e. social workers, counsellors, clinical psychologists) are very detached and emotionless people, when they're the ones who are supposed to be helping people's emotions. Now I know, this very fact demands that they avoid attachment. They are also human. They have to protect themselves as well. Those who cannot be detached will definitely burn out sooner or later. At the hospital, I felt that the 2 social workers who came to help A's family were so emotionless. I didn't think they were of much help. But there are things that only family and friends can interfere, and not professionals. I've always felt that prof C is very detached, but I think that's groomed by her profession. As she said, as a clinical psychologist, we enter with an exit in mind. This is one of the many reasons I feel I'm not suitable for clinical work. I'm too idealistic.

Recently, L told me, "just do what you think is right". Really, when it comes to ambiguous situations that have no clear answers, there's nothing you can do other than to just follow your instincts. That's also one reason one has to let go, and not get too attached to the outcome. Letting go doesn't mean not caring. But in event that things don't work out, I have to be able to move on.

"As soon as you think you're good, you're dead." I've heard/seen this saying at least 3 times this semester. While in Business, they advocate confidence, and to think that you're good and you can make it; in psychology, because we're dealing with humans, confidence means to be able to live with the fact that you're imperfect, and to ask for advice/help whenever needed. This is becoming one of my principles, that I never ever want to think that I'm good. Can't risk complacency and arrogance, especially when people are usually unaware that they're complacent.

The above is also related to the double-edged sword of experience. Last night, I read in a novel by R.A.Salvatore, elves are arrogant because of their longevity, that they think they're much more experienced and thus wiser than any other. So many times, I've seen people who consciously advocate life-long learning, and denounce those locked by their experience, and yet they themselves are doing the same and trusting too much on their experience & supposed wisdom. It's hard not to be affected by the negative side of experience. The funny thing is, once you consciously think/advocate that you will never be affected, you will definitely be affected. It's something that is human (regardless of age, though more susceptible to more matured individuals, naturally). Another thing learnt in Personal Mastery. What's important is not to deny, but to face up to it that it's really human nature and that you can be affected by it. Only then can you, or will you, be consciously guarding yourself against the effect. There are some things that experience will not provide. While an older person may be more experienced, a younger one may have a totally radical way of perceiving things. Experience? Nope. Just personality and the way we think.

Clinical Psy also taught me to be able to accept the fact that there are times, people are not ready to change though they're suffering. It's sounds illogical. But they're already comfortable and familiar with their suffering. Do not judge them harshly (or at all), for everybody can fall into this. And, many times, though people say they're definitely ready to change, they may actually not be. Change is hard work, and it's frightening work. Over dinner, E told me, "people can get comfortable, even though it's a job that they're not passionate about, and their real passion lies somewhere else". That's why he'll never go into photography full time, as he's comfortable with his job and income. There's really nothing wrong with that. The very fact that he's candid about it makes me respect him even more. Fighting comfort has to be conscious. What helps is the first step in making that conscious decision, to want to step into the unknown. And it's definitely something that has to be maintained. What's unknown will become known, and there lies another patch of unknown.


Probably time to end, for it's getting really very lengthy.