Really taxing what little patience I have, trying to pick up some new skills. A part of me is just so fidgety, can't wait to achieve proficiency (as if you can get it overnight). Another part is basically holding that fidgety part tightly by the leash.
"Patience, my little one. One step at a time."
Dec 28, 2009
Dec 21, 2009
Expectations
I've accepted it, but I can't help it.
There are times when expectations like that hurt.
They say it's okay but look at you in funny ways.
I expended a lot of efforts but nothing changed.
No matter how I try, I still can't help admiring and wanting it.
There are times when expectations like that hurt.
They say it's okay but look at you in funny ways.
I expended a lot of efforts but nothing changed.
No matter how I try, I still can't help admiring and wanting it.
Dec 7, 2009
In awe of God
Many times I hear sermons about how God knows the name of each star, and yet He loves us puny individuals so so so much. It didn't really sink deep into my heart, until I read the latest issue of National Geographic. Though we know, but often we just take the stars as things we see in the dark sky. But take time to ponder over the fact that these stars are planets and suns located at varying distances, with diverse characteristics & types and each have their own 'story'. I'm not sure if anyone can comprehend the deep respect and awe I feel as I finally feels the awesomeness and beauty of the dark world beyond our imagination.
The cover story is about the search of other planets & stars, and the progress till date. Astrophysicists are pushing technology to their limits and only now are they starting to see/detect stars that are so far away from us that their light take centuries to reach Earth.
The article ended with 1 sentence that really took me by 'surprise'. It says, "nature's creativity outstripes our own". Within the article are also phrases that mention how the universe is actually more manificient that what we can even imagine, and it's beyond what our wildest imagination can comprehend. As I read, I get reminded of a biblical verse: "His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts". As I finish that article, I couldn't do anything but just be in awe of God. I can feel the excitement of the astrophysicists as they just seek into the depths of the universe, feeling its vastness and beauty. The researcher's soul in me leaps with excitement, and gives thanks to God for this magnificient playground he created for scientists to play hide-and-seek in. His works are really so so so so amazing and beautiful.
The cover story is about the search of other planets & stars, and the progress till date. Astrophysicists are pushing technology to their limits and only now are they starting to see/detect stars that are so far away from us that their light take centuries to reach Earth.
The article ended with 1 sentence that really took me by 'surprise'. It says, "nature's creativity outstripes our own". Within the article are also phrases that mention how the universe is actually more manificient that what we can even imagine, and it's beyond what our wildest imagination can comprehend. As I read, I get reminded of a biblical verse: "His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts". As I finish that article, I couldn't do anything but just be in awe of God. I can feel the excitement of the astrophysicists as they just seek into the depths of the universe, feeling its vastness and beauty. The researcher's soul in me leaps with excitement, and gives thanks to God for this magnificient playground he created for scientists to play hide-and-seek in. His works are really so so so so amazing and beautiful.
Oct 10, 2009
Introvert's excuses
Really gets me irritated when people starts to use personality as an excuse for things that are determined by choices. I'm not saying that personality isn't a factor, but human will is more often the determinant, because it is God's gift to us.
The most misunderstood (and used as excuse) is the trait of extraversion, or what most people known as extrovert/introvert. So often I hear people saying, "oh I can't do this because I'm not extrovert", "I'm an introvert, I can't survive in such a system", "I'm an introvert, so I can't speak up in class, so it's not my fault"... You name it, I've heard it.
Extraversion merely refers to whether you are one who prefer to be alone or prefer to be with other people & meeting new people. It has NOTHING to do with out-goingness or ability to speak up etc. All the latter are personal choices. Introvert is one who needs time to be alone, because being with people saps energy. On the other hand, extrovert draws energy from being with people. They gets very lethargic being alone, but they get very charged up when they're around people, hence often they cannot stand being coped at home. And the trait of extraverison is on a continuum, not a dichotomy (i.e, it's not you're a in/extrovert or you are).
I'm quite an extreme introvert. Does that mean I cannot participate in public discussions, activities or be out-going? Nonsense. Those who know me well will say how 'out-going', 'aggressive', or 'high' I can get at times in social settings. But I need my alone time every night, else I won't be able to function as well the next day. Some have also heard me comment that I've been around people too often past few days, so getting very edgey and restless. Those are introvert traits. Introvert NOT equal to shy/not out-going. The latter is a choice, it's a matter of how much you want to conquer ur social anxiety/laziness/fear/excuse-making to get the necessary things done.
Stop using introvertness as an excuse. It's irritating.
The most misunderstood (and used as excuse) is the trait of extraversion, or what most people known as extrovert/introvert. So often I hear people saying, "oh I can't do this because I'm not extrovert", "I'm an introvert, I can't survive in such a system", "I'm an introvert, so I can't speak up in class, so it's not my fault"... You name it, I've heard it.
Extraversion merely refers to whether you are one who prefer to be alone or prefer to be with other people & meeting new people. It has NOTHING to do with out-goingness or ability to speak up etc. All the latter are personal choices. Introvert is one who needs time to be alone, because being with people saps energy. On the other hand, extrovert draws energy from being with people. They gets very lethargic being alone, but they get very charged up when they're around people, hence often they cannot stand being coped at home. And the trait of extraverison is on a continuum, not a dichotomy (i.e, it's not you're a in/extrovert or you are).
I'm quite an extreme introvert. Does that mean I cannot participate in public discussions, activities or be out-going? Nonsense. Those who know me well will say how 'out-going', 'aggressive', or 'high' I can get at times in social settings. But I need my alone time every night, else I won't be able to function as well the next day. Some have also heard me comment that I've been around people too often past few days, so getting very edgey and restless. Those are introvert traits. Introvert NOT equal to shy/not out-going. The latter is a choice, it's a matter of how much you want to conquer ur social anxiety/laziness/fear/excuse-making to get the necessary things done.
Stop using introvertness as an excuse. It's irritating.
Sep 13, 2009
The Only Jesus
A little song that reminds me how quick we are at judging people all the time, especially those many perceive as 'dirty', 'dangerous', 'suspicious', 'good-for-nothing' etc.
He stumbled in the Quik Stop, scared us all to death
When he cursed at me for staring, smelt the liquor on his breath
As I felt my anger rising, you know the thought occurred to me,
I might be the only Jesus he will ever see
So I turned to him and smiled, yes he thought that I was strange
When I said I'll pray for you, and offered him some change
I couldn't help but wonder, as he stared back at me
I might be the only Jesus he will ever see.
And who am I to judge him, don't know what he's been through
If I read the Bible right, it's only something God can do.
If I can help him out of darkness, let him see the light in me,
I might be the only Jesus he will ever see.
I went back outside to the car, with my wife and kids
I felt like we were followed, turned around and it was him
Though he didn't say a word, oh it really got to me..
..when he looked at me and smiled...
- Collin Raye's "The Only Jesus"
He stumbled in the Quik Stop, scared us all to death
When he cursed at me for staring, smelt the liquor on his breath
As I felt my anger rising, you know the thought occurred to me,
I might be the only Jesus he will ever see
So I turned to him and smiled, yes he thought that I was strange
When I said I'll pray for you, and offered him some change
I couldn't help but wonder, as he stared back at me
I might be the only Jesus he will ever see.
And who am I to judge him, don't know what he's been through
If I read the Bible right, it's only something God can do.
If I can help him out of darkness, let him see the light in me,
I might be the only Jesus he will ever see.
I went back outside to the car, with my wife and kids
I felt like we were followed, turned around and it was him
Though he didn't say a word, oh it really got to me..
..when he looked at me and smiled...
- Collin Raye's "The Only Jesus"
Sep 12, 2009
Life of an academia
Was chatting with my supervising prof, and made a startling discovery that few realizes.
Do you know that the life of a prof is akin to no life? Profs are expected to work during the weekends, because that's the only time you have to do write your papers or do other research related stuff. Weekdays are filled with lessons, meetings, administrative work and other nonsense. Now I know why Prof C mentioned she works on weekends, and why all my profs reply emails at all sort of hours.
She also mentioned that for many profs (especially full fledged profs), they have been having 3-4 hours sleep every night for the past 20 years. Apparently, if a prof can get 7 hours of sleep at any night, that's already very good. And, profs in Singapore have it a bit better than their counterparts in US, because they can still afford 5-6 hours of sleep, whereas 4 hours are what most can afford in the States.
Depressing? She mentioned one sees it so often that you're no longer depressed by it, but just take it as a matter-of-fact.
Do you know that the life of a prof is akin to no life? Profs are expected to work during the weekends, because that's the only time you have to do write your papers or do other research related stuff. Weekdays are filled with lessons, meetings, administrative work and other nonsense. Now I know why Prof C mentioned she works on weekends, and why all my profs reply emails at all sort of hours.
She also mentioned that for many profs (especially full fledged profs), they have been having 3-4 hours sleep every night for the past 20 years. Apparently, if a prof can get 7 hours of sleep at any night, that's already very good. And, profs in Singapore have it a bit better than their counterparts in US, because they can still afford 5-6 hours of sleep, whereas 4 hours are what most can afford in the States.
Depressing? She mentioned one sees it so often that you're no longer depressed by it, but just take it as a matter-of-fact.
Jun 30, 2009
Believe in faith
In Transformers 2, there was this particular short conversation:
Mikaela (lead's gf): "How do you know it'll work?"
Sam (lead): "I know because I believe."
Lots of things in this world are absurd. Being able to harness electricity, manipulate & capture light, or even just typing blogs are pretty incredible things. In many things, we simply place the faith that they'll work, and use it as we believed. Even now I find computers and internet pretty amazing things. I still can't comprehend how silicon chips, glass, metal, plastic and whatever else material they have can actually let us save information (in whatever format they exist in as hardware), do lots of amazing things (such as complicated statistical computation), and communicate with the rest of the world.
Be it science or religion, frankly it all boils down to faith. How do you know that evolution took place and we started off as single cell organisms? Frankly, it's all just based on the speculations of 1 guy, and the follow-up speculations from many other guys. Interestingly, when religious scientists debunk the speculations (as it always happen in research fields), people reject on the face value that it's religion and thus not true. (And they say science is objective :P By the way, Newton's science/physics was regarded as It, until Einstein came along. Then Newton became outdated and "not so true" science anymore. If it's facts as people claim, they do not, and cannot, go outdated. ) In courts, you based on witnesses account, and the jury/judge then make a decision whether their accounts are true. In science, you based your belief on the research (i.e., speculations) on scientists (btw, I mentioned in earlier posts that scientists/researchers can never prove something is right, just that they have not been proven wrong based on present knowledge/evidence. Big difference there.) All the above are faith, isn't it?
Both science and religion are based on faith. Don't debunk either simply by saying that it's not scientific/objective/whatever face value. Do you have enough knowledge to make that claim in the first place?
Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.
- Albert Einstein.
Mikaela (lead's gf): "How do you know it'll work?"
Sam (lead): "I know because I believe."
Lots of things in this world are absurd. Being able to harness electricity, manipulate & capture light, or even just typing blogs are pretty incredible things. In many things, we simply place the faith that they'll work, and use it as we believed. Even now I find computers and internet pretty amazing things. I still can't comprehend how silicon chips, glass, metal, plastic and whatever else material they have can actually let us save information (in whatever format they exist in as hardware), do lots of amazing things (such as complicated statistical computation), and communicate with the rest of the world.
Be it science or religion, frankly it all boils down to faith. How do you know that evolution took place and we started off as single cell organisms? Frankly, it's all just based on the speculations of 1 guy, and the follow-up speculations from many other guys. Interestingly, when religious scientists debunk the speculations (as it always happen in research fields), people reject on the face value that it's religion and thus not true. (And they say science is objective :P By the way, Newton's science/physics was regarded as It, until Einstein came along. Then Newton became outdated and "not so true" science anymore. If it's facts as people claim, they do not, and cannot, go outdated. ) In courts, you based on witnesses account, and the jury/judge then make a decision whether their accounts are true. In science, you based your belief on the research (i.e., speculations) on scientists (btw, I mentioned in earlier posts that scientists/researchers can never prove something is right, just that they have not been proven wrong based on present knowledge/evidence. Big difference there.) All the above are faith, isn't it?
Both science and religion are based on faith. Don't debunk either simply by saying that it's not scientific/objective/whatever face value. Do you have enough knowledge to make that claim in the first place?
Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.
- Albert Einstein.
May 2, 2009
Never before
If you want to see something you've never seen before,
Then you'll have to do something you've never done before.
If you do what you've always been doing,
Then you'll just see something you've always been seeing.
Then you'll have to do something you've never done before.
If you do what you've always been doing,
Then you'll just see something you've always been seeing.
Apr 28, 2009
Do you know...
Just recalled a little something I did once.
Do you know.... I was once a PC game reviewer. Hehe.
Wrote an article once. Here's the link for anyone who's interested.
http://www.gameaxis.com/articles/view.php?id=69&gid=320
Do you know.... I was once a PC game reviewer. Hehe.
Wrote an article once. Here's the link for anyone who's interested.
http://www.gameaxis.com/articles/view.php?id=69&gid=320
Apr 25, 2009
Kids
Kids will be kids will be kids.
Though utterly irritating, frustrating and annoying they can be, I have to remind myself in such circumstances, that I once too had such thoughts, attitudes and ego. I once too were like that. Many of us were.
It makes the anger and frustration easier to swallow.
Everybody needs time and chance (and trials) to grow. Oh well.....
Live the present. Believe in the future. But don't forget the past, or who you once were too.
Though utterly irritating, frustrating and annoying they can be, I have to remind myself in such circumstances, that I once too had such thoughts, attitudes and ego. I once too were like that. Many of us were.
It makes the anger and frustration easier to swallow.
Everybody needs time and chance (and trials) to grow. Oh well.....
Live the present. Believe in the future. But don't forget the past, or who you once were too.
Apr 11, 2009
Not Ready
He is ready to give, but I am not ready to receive. To succeed, I need to be able to just live on His Word and cling to Him alone, but I am still very dependent on the opinions of other people. I have grown lots, but not enough. Still not enough to receive.
Thank God.
Thank God.
Apr 10, 2009
A beautiful sharing by Rick Warren...
(Something forwarded to me in an email…)
You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales 'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California .
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren,
Rick said: "People ask me, What is the purpose of life?"
And I respond: "In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity.
We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body - but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal.
God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense..
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, wih my wife Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountain top, back and forth.
I don't believe that anymore.
Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness,
which is my problem, my issues, my pain. But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her - it has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder.
For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before.. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say,
God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better.
God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list.
He's more interested in what I am than what I do.
That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales 'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California .
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren,
Rick said: "People ask me, What is the purpose of life?"
And I respond: "In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity.
We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body - but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal.
God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense..
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, wih my wife Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountain top, back and forth.
I don't believe that anymore.
Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness,
which is my problem, my issues, my pain. But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her - it has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder.
For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before.. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say,
God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better.
God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list.
He's more interested in what I am than what I do.
That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
Apr 4, 2009
Doing the unimaginables
Just months ago, I could never comprehend how people could survive by taking naps throughout the night, instead of the usual 8-hours undisturbed sleep.
However, now I finally understand, because I myself is doing the same thing. When you simply have too many things to get done, by hook or by crook, you’ll find a way, even if it means doing the unimaginable.
At times, especially if it’s near deadlines, sleep is quite impossible because of the severe lack of time. At those times, you are just so focused on what needs to be done that you don’t even remember that you’re not a night owl. Hehe. And sleep just becomes unnecessary, until your brain just simply goes numb and no cognitive processes can take place. So that’s when the 2hours nap comes in. So basically, work 3-4 hours, then sleep 2 hours.
So many times, it’s really about not thinking about what you’re not supposed to be able to do, but just focusing on what needs to be done. And you’ll be surprised how the unimaginables become part of your life. All a matter of will, focus and priority.
However, now I finally understand, because I myself is doing the same thing. When you simply have too many things to get done, by hook or by crook, you’ll find a way, even if it means doing the unimaginable.
At times, especially if it’s near deadlines, sleep is quite impossible because of the severe lack of time. At those times, you are just so focused on what needs to be done that you don’t even remember that you’re not a night owl. Hehe. And sleep just becomes unnecessary, until your brain just simply goes numb and no cognitive processes can take place. So that’s when the 2hours nap comes in. So basically, work 3-4 hours, then sleep 2 hours.
So many times, it’s really about not thinking about what you’re not supposed to be able to do, but just focusing on what needs to be done. And you’ll be surprised how the unimaginables become part of your life. All a matter of will, focus and priority.
Mar 29, 2009
Doing the right thing... which is??
Sometimes it's so hard to do the right thing, because you don't know which is the right thing. So am I supposed to do this, or do that? Is doing something a demonstration of faith & confidence, or faithlessness & self-reliance? Or am I supposed to not do anything, but is that faithful or not acting in faith?
Geez...
Geez...
Mar 28, 2009
Dried nose
I prayed... and Father dried my irritating running nose immediately after prayer.
Thank God! :D
Thank God! :D
Mar 27, 2009
Settlement of Sediments
Everybody is like a bottle of clear water with a settled bed of sediments at the bottom. No matter how perfect they seem, there will definitely be the sediments of the not-so-nice/imperfections. However, at rest, the bottle seems so clear and perfect and nice. It is only when the bottle is shaken, the sediments disturbed, can one see the existence of these sediments as they cloud the once-clear water. Only in troubles and periods of unrest can one see for himself the imperfections and the need to change/improve. Hence the need for regular unrest. A time to spring clean, a time to introspect, a time to reflect, a time to seek, realign and to grow. Else there'll only be stagnation and complacency. Ungrowth. Plateau.
Mar 23, 2009
Not to prove, but to disprove
Something a prof said some days back that I felt, many people and scientists have forgotten.
We can never ever prove something true. All science do is to state with high certainty that something is false. Note: it's not with certainty ever. It's just "based on evidence so far, we can conclude this is highly likely to be false". And 2nd note: it's not stating with certainty that something is true, but that something is NOT true.
Thus, not having evidence to discount your theories/whatever does not mean they're true. Just that they are not/have not been proven contradictory, at this point in time.
We can never ever prove something true. All science do is to state with high certainty that something is false. Note: it's not with certainty ever. It's just "based on evidence so far, we can conclude this is highly likely to be false". And 2nd note: it's not stating with certainty that something is true, but that something is NOT true.
Thus, not having evidence to discount your theories/whatever does not mean they're true. Just that they are not/have not been proven contradictory, at this point in time.
Mar 17, 2009
Nostalgia
For some reason, people around me seem to be getting nostalgic. Cos we're graduating? Hmm....
Can't help but think back of my school uniform days. Those memories are fading soon. Seemed almost like a dream.
Days of recess times. Days of sitting in classroom of desks and chairs. Days of never seeing the need for revision because teacher gonna go through them in class anyway. Days of textbooks and workbooks (and worksheets). Days of doing homework by pen instead of Microsoft Word. Of course, the mornings of rushing homework (and giving excuses for not doing them, or rather, 'forgetting to bring').
The PE lessons *yucks*; report books; science labs with chemicals and silly instruments (and of course the bunsen burner)...
Go even further back into primary school days.... the eraser games; chasing boys and whacking them on the head; trying to figure out why Mum wrote x and y into my math problems; the cute english worksheet that had different animals each year; the super heavy school bag; playing with worms and spiders, and learning the names of plants; oh, and the Young Whatever awards with their badges (e.g. zoologist, astrologist); trying to figure out whether PSLE means Primary Six Leaving Exams or Primary School Leaving Exams......
Sigh. Those were the days, and now they're merely faded memories. Never once then did I imagine myself in my current position, doing what I am doing now, having ambitions that I'm having now.
Feels so unreal, again.
Can't help but think back of my school uniform days. Those memories are fading soon. Seemed almost like a dream.
Days of recess times. Days of sitting in classroom of desks and chairs. Days of never seeing the need for revision because teacher gonna go through them in class anyway. Days of textbooks and workbooks (and worksheets). Days of doing homework by pen instead of Microsoft Word. Of course, the mornings of rushing homework (and giving excuses for not doing them, or rather, 'forgetting to bring').
The PE lessons *yucks*; report books; science labs with chemicals and silly instruments (and of course the bunsen burner)...
Go even further back into primary school days.... the eraser games; chasing boys and whacking them on the head; trying to figure out why Mum wrote x and y into my math problems; the cute english worksheet that had different animals each year; the super heavy school bag; playing with worms and spiders, and learning the names of plants; oh, and the Young Whatever awards with their badges (e.g. zoologist, astrologist); trying to figure out whether PSLE means Primary Six Leaving Exams or Primary School Leaving Exams......
Sigh. Those were the days, and now they're merely faded memories. Never once then did I imagine myself in my current position, doing what I am doing now, having ambitions that I'm having now.
Feels so unreal, again.
Mar 11, 2009
The end of the queue
Growing up is really really very scary. As everybody seems to be concerned with finding jobs, future paths etc, I can't help but keep feeling this surreal sensation. This whole experience seems so unreal. It's like, suddenly you're no longer looking at people working as people from another world, but you are entering the world.
Perhaps it can be akin to queuing for a roaster coaster ride? Or whatever else. While you're in the queue, it seems like you have been there forever, pointing and commenting about people who are taking the ride. Suddenly, it's your turn to take the ride, to go through the experience you have been seeing everybody go through. It's just so..... I'm totally speechless, for words seem inadequate for what I've been feeling.
Can't help but project the questions of what it will be like ten, twenty, fifty years later. Scary. What's more scary is, what will it be like when it's time for me to return to the Father. It's not scary, as in scary-scary. Lol. This sounds weird. It's "scary" because it's so.... uncertain? Unclear? Perhaps nerve-wrecking is a better word than scary.
I hate uncertainty. Sigh. But that's what life transitions are all about. And to grow, transitions are necessary.
Without change comes stagnation.
Without growth comes complacency.
Without failures come arrogance and pride.
Without humility comes distance from the Father.
Without Grace comes hatred, agony and destruction.
Perhaps it can be akin to queuing for a roaster coaster ride? Or whatever else. While you're in the queue, it seems like you have been there forever, pointing and commenting about people who are taking the ride. Suddenly, it's your turn to take the ride, to go through the experience you have been seeing everybody go through. It's just so..... I'm totally speechless, for words seem inadequate for what I've been feeling.
Can't help but project the questions of what it will be like ten, twenty, fifty years later. Scary. What's more scary is, what will it be like when it's time for me to return to the Father. It's not scary, as in scary-scary. Lol. This sounds weird. It's "scary" because it's so.... uncertain? Unclear? Perhaps nerve-wrecking is a better word than scary.
I hate uncertainty. Sigh. But that's what life transitions are all about. And to grow, transitions are necessary.
Without change comes stagnation.
Without growth comes complacency.
Without failures come arrogance and pride.
Without humility comes distance from the Father.
Without Grace comes hatred, agony and destruction.
Feb 21, 2009
How my life was changed....
“Hi!” The girl said beside me. Although I was depressed, I felt mean not to return her
greeting, and so I smiled back to her. She was pretty, with her delicate face and sweet smile. She
was young too, about my age I guessed.
“I’m Debbie, turning fourteen this coming Tuesday. I accidently fell down the stairs and
broke my leg. See the crutch by my bedside? The doctor said I will have to use that to help me to
walk for at least two weeks.” The girl said cheerfully, hopping to start a conversation. I was too
depressed to talk but did not want to disappoint Debbie by ignoring her.
“Well, I’m Andrew, just passed by sixteenth birthday.” I said to her. Just as I finished
talking, a nurse came into our two-beds ward and pushed Debbie to have her check-up in a
wheelchair. She flashed her sweet little smile and waved to me, before disappearing round the
corner.
‘If she knew why I am here, for certain she would not talk to me, or even be near me.’ I
thought sadly to myself. I was suffering from clinical depression and landed in hospital because
of a suicide attempt. All my friends had left me, just when my parents were getting a divorce. I
had no mood to study, and so I was always absent from school, as a result, my results plunged.
My doctor, or rather a psychiatrist, came, asked me a few questions, gave me medication
and left. Sleep soon overtook me and I did not wake up till the next morning.
As soon as I opened my eyes, I saw Debbie eating her breakfast. She looked happy, and I
envied her for that. As I walked to the bathroom, Debbie smiled at me and waved. It was nice to
have someone in the same ward as me.
My mother came, when Debbie was having a walk in the garden with the nurse. My
mother did not look concerned or worried at all. Instead, she was angry, “When are you getting
discharged?! Nothing but trouble! They should have just ignored you and leave you to bleed to
death in the school toilet!” She stormed out of the ward.
‘Why do I have such a mother? Nobody cares, because I am just a nobody.’ I thought to
myself and burst into tears.
Hearing my muffled cries and seeing soaking wet pillow, Debbie just sat beside me on
my bed, not saying a word. I did not realise her presence till she gave me a hug. I tried to push her
away but she would not budge. Slowly, my rage and despair faded away.
“Thanks. Why do you help me?” I asked. Slowly, I told her my situation. Debbie did not
say anything during the fifteen minutes of my “speech” but nodded. When I had finished talking,
she gave me a hug again and whispered into my ears, “I already knew briefly how you ended
here, and I overheard the conversation with your mum. It does not matter what the world thinks,
but how you yourself think. I want to be your friend, not because I sympathise you, but because
of who you are.” Those were the best words I had ever heard, and they marked the beginning of a
beautiful friendship.
In the hospital, we talked and shared a lot of jokes. It was one of the happiest moments of
my life. My psychiatrist was very happy, seeing that I was happy again.
Debbie plead with her doctor to discharge her on the day I was discharged. Her doctor
was hesitant, but seeing her sweet smile, he could not bring himself to refuse her request.
After our discharge, we remained in touch through phone, and we had little “meetings”
every week. We chatted, laughed, played. It was never dull when I was with Debbie.
One Sunday, Debbie brought me to her church. That was the day I was introduced to
Christianity. After a talk with Debbie, I accepted Christ into my life. It was a decision I knew I
would never regret.
We continued our happy times together. We had bad times too, but we had always
overcome them. Whenever I was down, Debbie was always ready to give me a hug.
Happy times never last. Two years after our first meeting at the hospital, Debbie was
diagnosed with leukaemia. I was devastated and felt so hopeless. I dedicated all my time and
energy in the hospital.
Debbie was so frail and pale, but she never failed to welcome me with her sweet smile.
The torment lasted for more than two months and now, the cancer was at the last stage, ready to
take her life away at any minute.
At my last visit, I was sobbing by her bed, but she held my hand and spoke into my ears,
“don’t be sad. It was time for me to return to Christ. The angels are here. Andrew, promise me
that you will live your life to the fullest. I may die but I will live in your heart. One day, we will
meet again.” On her last word, she breathed her last, with her sweet smile forever on her face.
I would always remember her last words and she would live within me. She was the
person who changed me, and left to give her love to any person who needed it.
Published: 03-21-01
greeting, and so I smiled back to her. She was pretty, with her delicate face and sweet smile. She
was young too, about my age I guessed.
“I’m Debbie, turning fourteen this coming Tuesday. I accidently fell down the stairs and
broke my leg. See the crutch by my bedside? The doctor said I will have to use that to help me to
walk for at least two weeks.” The girl said cheerfully, hopping to start a conversation. I was too
depressed to talk but did not want to disappoint Debbie by ignoring her.
“Well, I’m Andrew, just passed by sixteenth birthday.” I said to her. Just as I finished
talking, a nurse came into our two-beds ward and pushed Debbie to have her check-up in a
wheelchair. She flashed her sweet little smile and waved to me, before disappearing round the
corner.
‘If she knew why I am here, for certain she would not talk to me, or even be near me.’ I
thought sadly to myself. I was suffering from clinical depression and landed in hospital because
of a suicide attempt. All my friends had left me, just when my parents were getting a divorce. I
had no mood to study, and so I was always absent from school, as a result, my results plunged.
My doctor, or rather a psychiatrist, came, asked me a few questions, gave me medication
and left. Sleep soon overtook me and I did not wake up till the next morning.
As soon as I opened my eyes, I saw Debbie eating her breakfast. She looked happy, and I
envied her for that. As I walked to the bathroom, Debbie smiled at me and waved. It was nice to
have someone in the same ward as me.
My mother came, when Debbie was having a walk in the garden with the nurse. My
mother did not look concerned or worried at all. Instead, she was angry, “When are you getting
discharged?! Nothing but trouble! They should have just ignored you and leave you to bleed to
death in the school toilet!” She stormed out of the ward.
‘Why do I have such a mother? Nobody cares, because I am just a nobody.’ I thought to
myself and burst into tears.
Hearing my muffled cries and seeing soaking wet pillow, Debbie just sat beside me on
my bed, not saying a word. I did not realise her presence till she gave me a hug. I tried to push her
away but she would not budge. Slowly, my rage and despair faded away.
“Thanks. Why do you help me?” I asked. Slowly, I told her my situation. Debbie did not
say anything during the fifteen minutes of my “speech” but nodded. When I had finished talking,
she gave me a hug again and whispered into my ears, “I already knew briefly how you ended
here, and I overheard the conversation with your mum. It does not matter what the world thinks,
but how you yourself think. I want to be your friend, not because I sympathise you, but because
of who you are.” Those were the best words I had ever heard, and they marked the beginning of a
beautiful friendship.
In the hospital, we talked and shared a lot of jokes. It was one of the happiest moments of
my life. My psychiatrist was very happy, seeing that I was happy again.
Debbie plead with her doctor to discharge her on the day I was discharged. Her doctor
was hesitant, but seeing her sweet smile, he could not bring himself to refuse her request.
After our discharge, we remained in touch through phone, and we had little “meetings”
every week. We chatted, laughed, played. It was never dull when I was with Debbie.
One Sunday, Debbie brought me to her church. That was the day I was introduced to
Christianity. After a talk with Debbie, I accepted Christ into my life. It was a decision I knew I
would never regret.
We continued our happy times together. We had bad times too, but we had always
overcome them. Whenever I was down, Debbie was always ready to give me a hug.
Happy times never last. Two years after our first meeting at the hospital, Debbie was
diagnosed with leukaemia. I was devastated and felt so hopeless. I dedicated all my time and
energy in the hospital.
Debbie was so frail and pale, but she never failed to welcome me with her sweet smile.
The torment lasted for more than two months and now, the cancer was at the last stage, ready to
take her life away at any minute.
At my last visit, I was sobbing by her bed, but she held my hand and spoke into my ears,
“don’t be sad. It was time for me to return to Christ. The angels are here. Andrew, promise me
that you will live your life to the fullest. I may die but I will live in your heart. One day, we will
meet again.” On her last word, she breathed her last, with her sweet smile forever on her face.
I would always remember her last words and she would live within me. She was the
person who changed me, and left to give her love to any person who needed it.
Published: 03-21-01
Feb 15, 2009
Fate
This is a chapter of a story I wrote, but never continued. I don't even remember I wrote this. Don't think I'll ever be able to continue.
-----------------------------------------
I stood frozen. The warm summer wind had turned bitterly cold all of a sudden. I fought the scream that was building in me. Time had slowed to a crawl. Taking a deep breath and ignoring all the warnings my head was giving me, I took a step closer.
-----------------------------------------
I stood frozen. The warm summer wind had turned bitterly cold all of a sudden. I fought the scream that was building in me. Time had slowed to a crawl. Taking a deep breath and ignoring all the warnings my head was giving me, I took a step closer.
She looked twenty years of age. Her face looked so pale that it seemed as if all the blood in her were drained out. Her wide green eyes stared at me, sending shivers down my spine. I was thrown into confusion.
Now, what do I do? I asked myself. I knelt down, partly to take a closer look, but mainly because my legs had suddenly grown weak. Out of deep respect for the dead, I mustered all of my courage and hesitantly, I pushed her eyelids down.
Not knowing what to do, I said a short but sincere prayer, hoping that God would do the things I had not or could not do.
Very slowly, I stood up on my two feet again. My eyes could not leave her. She was about the same age as me, and yet, I was able to do so many simple things she no longer could. There were so many questions on my mind, like what had happened to her, who was her murderer, and many more.
Just as I was about to take my first step out of the forest, I felt this uncanny feeling that someone was behind me. So close to me that I could almost feel him breathing down my neck. Fear ran through my body. Little by little, I starting to turn my head.
Before my head was even half way through its journey, my world was thrown into darkness by a hard punch at its side. Game over, I thought to myself before I crumpled to the ground.
Published: 10-19-01
Feb 9, 2009
Loner Forever
(Decided to post some of my old poems/writings, the miserable few I can still retrieve anyway.)
------------------------------------
Stepping into this school
Looking forward to a brand new start
Yet finding near history repeating
Just what in the world is happening
Though not as bad as it used to
But a loner is still I am
Alone in class I will sit
Though not hated by one
Just where lies the problem
Why does the history repeats
Am I the problem
If not then what is
Is it me who holds back
Unwilling to let go, unwilling to try
No is what I feel
Yet this possibility do exist
Yes, I am unwilling and scared
To venture back into the hell I escaped
This fear holding me back I do not feel
Yet unknown to me it may be
Great desire to read their minds
To understand the mystery and the many whys
Do they really dislike me so
Or even unknown to them a distance they keep
Maybe it is nothing at all
Imagination of mine running too wild
Or too sensitive I am being
So how do I tell which is true
No, depressed I am not
This kind of situation I’m so used to
Till alone I so embrace
Till loneliness I no longer recognise
Thousands of questions racing through
Did I do anything wrong
Or said anything idiotic
Is the problem with me at all
What am I supposed to do
How am I supposed to react
Resigning to fate is what I am
What else can I do anyway
- Published: 05-02-2002
Feb 6, 2009
Just Wait
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting... for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair,
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
but you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without a sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest gifts is to truly know Me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still... WAIT".
- a prose off a poster I bought
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting... for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair,
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
but you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without a sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest gifts is to truly know Me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still... WAIT".
- a prose off a poster I bought
Jan 31, 2009
MyType
INFJ
The Sage
Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Quietly forceful, original, and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perserverence in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following.
As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.
INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.
INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.
INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.
But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.
Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.
INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.
In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.
The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.
INFJs are warm and affirming people who are usually also deep and complex. They're likely to seek out and promote relationships that are intense and meaningful. They tend to be perfectionists, and are always striving for the Ultimate Relationship. For the most part, this is a positive feature, but sometimes works against the INFJ if they fall into the habit of moving from relationship to relationship, always in search of a more perfect partner. In general, the INFJ is a deeply warm and caring person who is highly invested in the health of their close relationships, and puts forth a lot of effort to make them positive. They are valued by those close to them for these special qualities. They seek long-term, lifelong relationships, although they don't always find them.
INFJ Strengths
INFJ Weaknesses
INFJs as Friends
Although the INFJ is likely to put friends behind their God and their families in terms of importance, they do value their friendships. As idealists who have strong value systems, INFJs seek authenticity and depth in their close relationships, and especially value people who can see and appreciate the INFJ for who they are and what they stand for.
The INFJ is likely to spend a lot of time socializing with family members. If they are religious, they probably are social with members of their religious community. After that, the INFJ may have friends represented from any of the personality types. They are usually extremely intuitive individuals, who will have no patience for anyone they feel is dishonest or corrupt. They'll have no interest in being around these kinds of people.
All kinds of people are drawn towards the INFJ. They are usually quite popular, although they may be unaware of it themselves, because they don't place a lot of importance on it.
The INFJ is valued by their close friends for their warmth and consideration, their new and interesting ways of looking at things, and for their ability to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be.
Famous INFJs
The Sage
Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Quietly forceful, original, and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perserverence in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following.
As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.
INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.
INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.
INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.
But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.
Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.
INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.
In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.
The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.
INFJs are warm and affirming people who are usually also deep and complex. They're likely to seek out and promote relationships that are intense and meaningful. They tend to be perfectionists, and are always striving for the Ultimate Relationship. For the most part, this is a positive feature, but sometimes works against the INFJ if they fall into the habit of moving from relationship to relationship, always in search of a more perfect partner. In general, the INFJ is a deeply warm and caring person who is highly invested in the health of their close relationships, and puts forth a lot of effort to make them positive. They are valued by those close to them for these special qualities. They seek long-term, lifelong relationships, although they don't always find them.
INFJ Strengths
- Warm and affirming by nature
- Dedicated to achieving the ultimate relationship
- Sensitive and concerned for others' feelings
- Usually have good communication skills, especially written
- Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
- Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
- Good listeners
- Are able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)
INFJ Weaknesses
- Tendency to hold back part of themselves
- Not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities
- Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
- Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
- Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship
INFJs as Friends
Although the INFJ is likely to put friends behind their God and their families in terms of importance, they do value their friendships. As idealists who have strong value systems, INFJs seek authenticity and depth in their close relationships, and especially value people who can see and appreciate the INFJ for who they are and what they stand for.
The INFJ is likely to spend a lot of time socializing with family members. If they are religious, they probably are social with members of their religious community. After that, the INFJ may have friends represented from any of the personality types. They are usually extremely intuitive individuals, who will have no patience for anyone they feel is dishonest or corrupt. They'll have no interest in being around these kinds of people.
All kinds of people are drawn towards the INFJ. They are usually quite popular, although they may be unaware of it themselves, because they don't place a lot of importance on it.
The INFJ is valued by their close friends for their warmth and consideration, their new and interesting ways of looking at things, and for their ability to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be.
Famous INFJs
- Geoffrey Chaucer
- Bob Dylan
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
- Mother Teresa
- Oprah Winfrey
- Jimmy Carter
- Nicole Kidman
- Mel Gibson
Jan 27, 2009
My Precious
My extended precious
I wonder if it's because of age that I've became very appreciative of my family. Or maybe it's due to the fact that I've been through a lot of nonsense. Really understands and acknowledges the saying, "At the end of the day, all you have left is family and God." Right now, it's God and family before Self. My personality, preferences, interests and whatever-else comes after duties, obligations and love to God & my family.
Jan 25, 2009
Spring Cleaning
Spring cleaned my bookshelf yesterday. It was quite an experience.
Though it was just a bookshelf (and not a very big one), I threw away bags and bags of stuff. The act of discarding them seemed like a final act of letting go, whether it's letting go of the past achievements/interests, or past relationships. I cut myself a couple of times in the process, but that's what it is all about, isn't it? A little pain may be involved in letting go, but there's will no longer be any blood involved. It was quite a peaceful, yet it involved reminiscences. This was Me and what I was involved in.
The process also allowed me to discover many things that were hiding in the corners, behind what was important to me but now discarded. One very important discovery was a book titled "Experiences with God". I remember the book, but I have no idea who gave it to me. The discovery of this book was accompanied by a revelation. This book was blocked from view by stuff of past interest. It seemed to me that, some stuff that was once central to my life had resulted in my faith taking backseat then. Just like the book, God was left in a corner collecting dust. I felt a sense of guilt, and yet gratitude, because though God was in the backseat, He was always there, waiting. Now this book lies on my table together with the bible and my FYP stuff.
I also had the chance to flip through the few photo albums I have. One of the albums contained my last days in Pre-U. Pictures of the few friends I had. Though we no longer kept in touch, I felt no sadness as I browsed through the photos. Instead, I felt joy and gratitude, for I once had these good friends. It's just now, we are walking different paths, and drift is natural. No remorse for what is not, but joy for what was and had.
For the first time after so many years, my bookshelf is cleared. All of a sudden, it is very empty and I have storage space for many things to come. Just like my bookshelf, we should do spring cleaning of our life every now and then. We need to reexamine what's really important but has taken a backseat, what is already the past and we need to let go, rearrange and reorganize the positions of some stuff etc. Only then can we have space for the future, be ready for new things and joys.
Really like the look of my bookshelf now. Now, it contains my Psychology books and files, some Christian books, the few albums of my friends and family and my past trophies. It felt like it reflects my life now, no longer as cluttered as the past, but focused on the few that's really important to me - Psychology, God, family and friends. Lots of space reserved for what's to come.
Looking at my "new" bookshelf, I claim "Purpose and Growth" in this new year of 2009 and ox, just as A claim "Joy" and my aunt claim "Consistency". I am all ready for the coming challenges and changes He will show me as I pursue & fulfill my Purpose.
Though it was just a bookshelf (and not a very big one), I threw away bags and bags of stuff. The act of discarding them seemed like a final act of letting go, whether it's letting go of the past achievements/interests, or past relationships. I cut myself a couple of times in the process, but that's what it is all about, isn't it? A little pain may be involved in letting go, but there's will no longer be any blood involved. It was quite a peaceful, yet it involved reminiscences. This was Me and what I was involved in.
The process also allowed me to discover many things that were hiding in the corners, behind what was important to me but now discarded. One very important discovery was a book titled "Experiences with God". I remember the book, but I have no idea who gave it to me. The discovery of this book was accompanied by a revelation. This book was blocked from view by stuff of past interest. It seemed to me that, some stuff that was once central to my life had resulted in my faith taking backseat then. Just like the book, God was left in a corner collecting dust. I felt a sense of guilt, and yet gratitude, because though God was in the backseat, He was always there, waiting. Now this book lies on my table together with the bible and my FYP stuff.
I also had the chance to flip through the few photo albums I have. One of the albums contained my last days in Pre-U. Pictures of the few friends I had. Though we no longer kept in touch, I felt no sadness as I browsed through the photos. Instead, I felt joy and gratitude, for I once had these good friends. It's just now, we are walking different paths, and drift is natural. No remorse for what is not, but joy for what was and had.
For the first time after so many years, my bookshelf is cleared. All of a sudden, it is very empty and I have storage space for many things to come. Just like my bookshelf, we should do spring cleaning of our life every now and then. We need to reexamine what's really important but has taken a backseat, what is already the past and we need to let go, rearrange and reorganize the positions of some stuff etc. Only then can we have space for the future, be ready for new things and joys.
Really like the look of my bookshelf now. Now, it contains my Psychology books and files, some Christian books, the few albums of my friends and family and my past trophies. It felt like it reflects my life now, no longer as cluttered as the past, but focused on the few that's really important to me - Psychology, God, family and friends. Lots of space reserved for what's to come.
Looking at my "new" bookshelf, I claim "Purpose and Growth" in this new year of 2009 and ox, just as A claim "Joy" and my aunt claim "Consistency". I am all ready for the coming challenges and changes He will show me as I pursue & fulfill my Purpose.
Jan 1, 2009
Reflections & Thanksgiving of 2008
1 day late, but better late than never. The change of the year, so it's time for reflections into the past year, and giving thanks for the many blessings. It's always easy to look on the negative side of things, but we should also look on the bright side, and count your blessings. You'll realise that life has not been that bad, and you can look forward to another year.
I think the biggest change in my life in 2008 is the change of focus, the exiting of an important friendship and gaining many more as replacement.
Some time in 2008, I mentioned to my sis, that I finally feels like I'm a student, and not just a part-time student with full-time stuff outside campus. It brought to mind how little priority I had given my studies. It's quite pathetic, to only feel like a student at final year. Rushing reports, researching, brainstorming for my FYP mates. But after getting used to it, I'm really glad for this change.
Before moving on, I really want to give thanks to 2 wonderful people. They're my FYP mates - WT and LW. Really, I cannot ask for better people to work with for FYP. LW is the first friend I made in NTU, and I shall also end my NTU journey with her. Wow. The initial phase of the FYP had been quite difficult for WT. I'm not exactly the easiest person to work with on a research project, as I tend to get real fast and impatient, and she had never worked with me before. Really appreciate her for just hanging in there. Now, the 3 of us work real well. The way we handled different part of the research process, it's such complement, with each of us responsible for different part of the research. Really honoured to have WT as a new friend. She's really great at neutralizing my mood :P and really helped me lots in other areas beyond FYP. All in all, WT and LW are the 2 blessings I'm really thankful for in 2008.
Talking about FYP, can't miss out my supervisor. I'm really thankful for my prof as well. Prof. C has her idiosyncracies, but able to work with her is also one of my greatest blessings of 2008. It affirmed the area of interest for me, which enabled me to plan for graduate studies. I can be myself in her office, and not have to worry too much. Most of the time, she gets amused more than irritated. In addition to FYP, she had been a great help to my graduate application as well. Thank God for her.
There are also other friends I want to thank and appreciate. 2 of them are ZM and ZH. I've never been close to ZM, but I think things have changed at the later part of the year. ZH is great, as usual, and I think we've gotten closer at the later part of the year as well. Finally, I get to hang out with my NTU friends beyond the campus, doing things that's not academic related. In a way, they give me a social life.
Talking about hanging out, I feel blessed to be in this Psy cohort. This year, I'm lots closer to my coursemates. At least, at the later part of the year, I get to hang out with them during gatherings. This change is also part of the reason I feel more like a student this year. It's like I'm finally spending most of my time with my peers and my course mates.
Moving beyond the campus, the first person I wanna give thanks to is M. Throughout this whole year, she has always been there for me, as I lost the one important part of my life, to renegotiating and adjusting to my changed life. It amazes me how she never forgets to keep in touch. Every now and then, she'll call and just keep in touch, and we'll end up talking for hours on the phone. I think she really needs to stop paying for dinner whenever I dine with her. It's just awkward. But I also feel real thankful and blessed.
Of course, I can't forget about my family. First of all, I'm really blessed to have such a great Mum. Sometimes, I think she's like a super-woman, taking care of the 4 of us single-handedly. So often, I can't wait to start working. I want to be able to tour the world with her. I want to show her the world, as I know she likes travelling but never able to do so. I want to be able to give her a white christmas. Often, as she drives in her company truck, I wish I have a driving license so that I can drive for her. I also wish I can afford a car for her, so that driving is less of a chore. I want to give her a life where she never has to worry about bills any longer. Sigh. Few more years, as I fulfill my Purpose.
I wanna give thanks for my sisters as well. We do have our fights and quarrels, but that's part of sisterhood :P All of them are great, in their own special way. For 2009, I pray that I can continue to be there for them, and I can be a blessing to them as well, and not a detriment. To me, they're more important than my very life.
Lastly, I wanna give all my thanks to God. 2008 has been a real special year for me, as I gain meaningful relationships, and most importantly, I've gotten closer to God. All the above, I commit onto Him. All the many miracles He has shown in my life in 2008, and the many changes He had initiated in my life to groom me. It wasn't always easy, but the pains really made me grow a lot. I'm thankful for the Purpose I have been given, and the many reassurances I received as I doubted. All in all, I wanna thank Him for His patience, understanding and love for me.
I think the biggest change in my life in 2008 is the change of focus, the exiting of an important friendship and gaining many more as replacement.
Some time in 2008, I mentioned to my sis, that I finally feels like I'm a student, and not just a part-time student with full-time stuff outside campus. It brought to mind how little priority I had given my studies. It's quite pathetic, to only feel like a student at final year. Rushing reports, researching, brainstorming for my FYP mates. But after getting used to it, I'm really glad for this change.
Before moving on, I really want to give thanks to 2 wonderful people. They're my FYP mates - WT and LW. Really, I cannot ask for better people to work with for FYP. LW is the first friend I made in NTU, and I shall also end my NTU journey with her. Wow. The initial phase of the FYP had been quite difficult for WT. I'm not exactly the easiest person to work with on a research project, as I tend to get real fast and impatient, and she had never worked with me before. Really appreciate her for just hanging in there. Now, the 3 of us work real well. The way we handled different part of the research process, it's such complement, with each of us responsible for different part of the research. Really honoured to have WT as a new friend. She's really great at neutralizing my mood :P and really helped me lots in other areas beyond FYP. All in all, WT and LW are the 2 blessings I'm really thankful for in 2008.
Talking about FYP, can't miss out my supervisor. I'm really thankful for my prof as well. Prof. C has her idiosyncracies, but able to work with her is also one of my greatest blessings of 2008. It affirmed the area of interest for me, which enabled me to plan for graduate studies. I can be myself in her office, and not have to worry too much. Most of the time, she gets amused more than irritated. In addition to FYP, she had been a great help to my graduate application as well. Thank God for her.
There are also other friends I want to thank and appreciate. 2 of them are ZM and ZH. I've never been close to ZM, but I think things have changed at the later part of the year. ZH is great, as usual, and I think we've gotten closer at the later part of the year as well. Finally, I get to hang out with my NTU friends beyond the campus, doing things that's not academic related. In a way, they give me a social life.
Talking about hanging out, I feel blessed to be in this Psy cohort. This year, I'm lots closer to my coursemates. At least, at the later part of the year, I get to hang out with them during gatherings. This change is also part of the reason I feel more like a student this year. It's like I'm finally spending most of my time with my peers and my course mates.
Moving beyond the campus, the first person I wanna give thanks to is M. Throughout this whole year, she has always been there for me, as I lost the one important part of my life, to renegotiating and adjusting to my changed life. It amazes me how she never forgets to keep in touch. Every now and then, she'll call and just keep in touch, and we'll end up talking for hours on the phone. I think she really needs to stop paying for dinner whenever I dine with her. It's just awkward. But I also feel real thankful and blessed.
Of course, I can't forget about my family. First of all, I'm really blessed to have such a great Mum. Sometimes, I think she's like a super-woman, taking care of the 4 of us single-handedly. So often, I can't wait to start working. I want to be able to tour the world with her. I want to show her the world, as I know she likes travelling but never able to do so. I want to be able to give her a white christmas. Often, as she drives in her company truck, I wish I have a driving license so that I can drive for her. I also wish I can afford a car for her, so that driving is less of a chore. I want to give her a life where she never has to worry about bills any longer. Sigh. Few more years, as I fulfill my Purpose.
I wanna give thanks for my sisters as well. We do have our fights and quarrels, but that's part of sisterhood :P All of them are great, in their own special way. For 2009, I pray that I can continue to be there for them, and I can be a blessing to them as well, and not a detriment. To me, they're more important than my very life.
Lastly, I wanna give all my thanks to God. 2008 has been a real special year for me, as I gain meaningful relationships, and most importantly, I've gotten closer to God. All the above, I commit onto Him. All the many miracles He has shown in my life in 2008, and the many changes He had initiated in my life to groom me. It wasn't always easy, but the pains really made me grow a lot. I'm thankful for the Purpose I have been given, and the many reassurances I received as I doubted. All in all, I wanna thank Him for His patience, understanding and love for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)