The Unmentioned

The story of Abraham Lincoln is one that's frequently mentioned when one wants to illustrate a point about resilience. Success stories so often quoted or narrated to provide a role model for others to follow. Nothing wrong with that. However, how many actually notice what is NOT mentioned?

Nobody mentioned about how these people felt when they failed again and again. They are also humans. I'm very sure they had their breakdowns, their "argh I can't do it" moments, their fear of uncertainty, their doubts etc. But nobody ever mentioned about these. So what happens? When "normal people" (like us) faces difficulties and failures, when these normal reactions come flooding, we feel so useless because we feel these negative feelings/thoughts. This sense of uselessness come about because nobody ever mentioned that they are normal. The successful people feel it all the time. The difference is that they just keep going despite having these feelings/doubts. Nobody can predict the future. At best is you prepare real hard for it. But there will always be an element of uncertainty, and uncertainty very naturally creates fear and doubt. In my opinion, it'll definitely be better when narrating these success stories, that doubts are normal. What's important is to accept them, and still keep moving forward. Courage is not about having no fear. Only the dead feels no fear. It's about moving on despite feeling fear.

Again, nobody mentioned about the social support that Abraham Lincoln had/not had. Having people there who believe in you counts a lot, a lot. Many times, it's the support that keeps one going, when doubts and uncertainty mount sky high. It's not just about having people who believe in you, but also people whom you know will not judge you even when you fail (and will still be there), when you disappoint them. When something happens, they may get upset with you, but it will not last because they know that you also did not want things to turn out that way either. They see your heart, what's really true and deep inside. That's why family counts so much. 23 years of my life, my family is one that truly made me feel this way. And fortunately, recently I can add a few more individuals to the list: my closest psy mates in school.

So, maybe at the end of the day, what really matters is not how many success stories you narrate to the other person, but just a simple, "no matter what happens, I believe in you, and will be there for you". And when bad things really happen, to be true to your words, and together work things out so that everybody can move on for the better.

What's also important is that people learn to accept their feelings. Only when one accepts, can one keep moving forward, and not wasting energy trying to get rid of what's only natural. What counts at the end of the day is not not-having-negative-feelings, but keep moving despite uncertainty and fears. Else, when you fails to get rid of that part of you (and you very likely will), it will be used as "evidence" of how useless you are, and the self-pitying, self-loathing, downward spiral starts.