This shall be my first post that mentions anything relating to my faith :P
At Service last Sunday, it was the first time I cried that hard during end worship. Tearing was a norm, but to sob, that's something new. It was really an experience like no other.
Can feel the Father embracing me in His arms. He's really the only one who truly understands... the passion & love I have for humankind, the sadness I feel for them when I see infighting or totally unnecessary political conflicts. Can feel Him embracing me, feeling exactly the same way as I feel, and giving me the quiet comfort like nobody else can give. I've never let these feelings out. I didn't even know how intense they were till that day.
As these feelings poured forth, with them also came my ultimate fears. I realized that there's really nothing more I fear losing than losing my Way, my Destiny, my Calling. I'm so afraid that I'll take the wrong path that's not my calling. Before this, I feel that I think I know where I should go, and yet I'm not sure. If I lose my calling, there's really nothing I have left. In His embrace, He comforted and reassured me to just be brave and go with my faith, for He'll always be there, and as long as I remain vigilant and faithful, I won't stray too far.
Emotions, my boon and my bane. Yet that Service reminds me never to let my heart turn cold & cynical, no matter how much pain, sadness & helplessness I feel. I share the Father's love, passion and also helplessness and sadness for humankind. Only He truly understands these feelings of mine. Everybody I made mention to about this, they gave me a funny look, and just say "sad for what? Just ignore lor." They just don't get it.
It doesn't matter if the world betrays. Doesn't matter if the world doesn't understand. As long as my conscience is clear, my passions true, my faith strong, the Father will always be there with open arms. I do not fear Him. But I fear disappointing Him, for I love Him so so so much.
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