There were 2 interesting conversations (with 2 different people) that made me ponder over the issues of perspectives and miscommunication (or misunderstanding). Many a times, we get irritated with another person's behavior because it does not sync with our own value system or way of doing things. Unconsciously, we jumped to certain conclusions. Happens to me often, but the 2 conversations made me realize that it may simply be a difference in perspectives that are often not communicated.
The first conversation arose due to my increasing irritation with my conversationee's seemingly lack of concentration on our conversation. She seemed to be getting distracted by many things and I was definitely getting irritated because we were supposedly in the climax of our discussion. I did what I usually do, stop talking until she's done being distracted. Apparently, she was not distracted, but she was making moves to make sure that there was less distraction (e.g., tweaking the CD player's volume). That moved our discussion onto another topic.
I mentioned how I would stop people from trying to talk to me (usually by indication of a raised hand) if I'm busy and really can't be distracted at the moment, and later I'll follow up with that person. I'm motivated by the desire to give people 100% of my attention, and not multi-task because that's, to me, not respectful.
To her, she has a totally different approach, and that stemmed from very different needs and capabilities. She can't stop whatever she is doing at the moment because she'll totally lose her train of thought, but yet she can multi-task. So she will listen to the person, and do her task at the same time. To even take the moment to raise her hand or acknowledge that person will simply be a disaster to whatever she is doing. She listens, though she'll process later.
I know I'll be irritated by her behavior because, unconsciously, I jumped to the conclusion that she is not listening. Why? Because I can't do what she can do, so I cannot even comprehend even that being possible at all. In addition, a part of me also can't understand what's so hard about just acknowledging the person's presence and raising your hand to indicate the lack of spare attention? *shrugs* I didn't ponder much over this, until the conversation I had with another person over lunch today.
A group of us are supposed to have a meeting on Wednesday, but it is being cancelled for another event that is going to take place on Tuesday. So my lunch partner (who is 'chair' of the Wed's meeting) asked me if she should sms everybody to tell them about it or simply wait until tomorrow's (Sunday) briefing. I said I'll prefer now via sms because it makes things easier for people like me who like our schedules. Apparently, she preferred tomorrow, because she will be able to mention it face-to-face.
While she was texting the sms, that gave me time to think over what was discussed. It didn't seem like much, but it struck me because of how I would have reacted. If she is to mention it over briefing tomorrow, I'll actually get a little bit irritated because it seemed so.... spontaneous and seemingly lack of consideration. But what I didn't realize is that her choice stemmed from sincerity and the importance she placed on face-to-face communication (or dislike for electronic communication due to its aloofness). I really value face-to-face communication as well, but I have never considered it in such a context because I value up-to-date information as well.
2 different contexts where I would have been mildly irritated (I have mellowed much over the years) if I had not have the chance to discover others' perspectives and motivations. It have been insightful, and a reminder to myself to not jump to conclusions unconsciously. How many more of such situations where differences in behaviors stemmed from differences in way-of-thinking and priorities, which lead to mild irritation at best or ruin relationships at worst?
Truly, don't judge for you know not the heart of the person. Often uncommunicated are the intentions, motivations, desires and perspectives, from which specific behaviors arise.
The first conversation arose due to my increasing irritation with my conversationee's seemingly lack of concentration on our conversation. She seemed to be getting distracted by many things and I was definitely getting irritated because we were supposedly in the climax of our discussion. I did what I usually do, stop talking until she's done being distracted. Apparently, she was not distracted, but she was making moves to make sure that there was less distraction (e.g., tweaking the CD player's volume). That moved our discussion onto another topic.
I mentioned how I would stop people from trying to talk to me (usually by indication of a raised hand) if I'm busy and really can't be distracted at the moment, and later I'll follow up with that person. I'm motivated by the desire to give people 100% of my attention, and not multi-task because that's, to me, not respectful.
To her, she has a totally different approach, and that stemmed from very different needs and capabilities. She can't stop whatever she is doing at the moment because she'll totally lose her train of thought, but yet she can multi-task. So she will listen to the person, and do her task at the same time. To even take the moment to raise her hand or acknowledge that person will simply be a disaster to whatever she is doing. She listens, though she'll process later.
I know I'll be irritated by her behavior because, unconsciously, I jumped to the conclusion that she is not listening. Why? Because I can't do what she can do, so I cannot even comprehend even that being possible at all. In addition, a part of me also can't understand what's so hard about just acknowledging the person's presence and raising your hand to indicate the lack of spare attention? *shrugs* I didn't ponder much over this, until the conversation I had with another person over lunch today.
A group of us are supposed to have a meeting on Wednesday, but it is being cancelled for another event that is going to take place on Tuesday. So my lunch partner (who is 'chair' of the Wed's meeting) asked me if she should sms everybody to tell them about it or simply wait until tomorrow's (Sunday) briefing. I said I'll prefer now via sms because it makes things easier for people like me who like our schedules. Apparently, she preferred tomorrow, because she will be able to mention it face-to-face.
While she was texting the sms, that gave me time to think over what was discussed. It didn't seem like much, but it struck me because of how I would have reacted. If she is to mention it over briefing tomorrow, I'll actually get a little bit irritated because it seemed so.... spontaneous and seemingly lack of consideration. But what I didn't realize is that her choice stemmed from sincerity and the importance she placed on face-to-face communication (or dislike for electronic communication due to its aloofness). I really value face-to-face communication as well, but I have never considered it in such a context because I value up-to-date information as well.
2 different contexts where I would have been mildly irritated (I have mellowed much over the years) if I had not have the chance to discover others' perspectives and motivations. It have been insightful, and a reminder to myself to not jump to conclusions unconsciously. How many more of such situations where differences in behaviors stemmed from differences in way-of-thinking and priorities, which lead to mild irritation at best or ruin relationships at worst?
Truly, don't judge for you know not the heart of the person. Often uncommunicated are the intentions, motivations, desires and perspectives, from which specific behaviors arise.
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