Will I...

And just how many times more
Do I have to transverse this road
This endless spiral down and down
Into the emotional pit of fears and null.

Irrational and senseless, yes I know
Try preaching and reaching through it all
More than anyone I want it out
Yet again and again I'm caught off-guard.

Just want normal like everyone else
To have a chance and not sympathy
To show despite these monsters that I fight
I am still okay to contribute more

Will I even have the call
To show it's not me but Christ in me
Or simply given the bench
To minimize collateral or asked to rest

Can someone just show me how
The world is more than rationality and risks
That it's a place of more than second chances
One willing to accept wholly me and my bogeyman

Will I be ushered to the ward or the side
If I show you the imps I wrestle with
Or will you look me in the eye
And say it's okay for everybody's the same

Will I ever see the day
When I stand with all with victory won
Or will that day only come
When I'm shown I have nothing to fear