True Passion

There are some things that can never ever be taught. You have to experience it yourself to really understand. Else, you'll just stay at the stage of "thinking that you know, but actually you don't".

Only finally understood what's passion all about, when I did the clinical psy report. In the past, I could never understand why some can get such joy and thrill from photoshoots, even if it's a paid job. No matter how I tried, to me, it's still a job, a duty. At most I can feel is, "it's not bad", and not that deep sense of fulfillment or fun.

Finally felt that feeling when doing the psychopath report. It was tough. 4 very different books, 101 contradicting researches, unconfirmed speculations etc. But I enjoyed every minute, every second of the research process. The more I read, the more I want to find out more. Never felt that hunger and thirst for a very very long time. When doing the presentation, had the usual public speaking nervousness. But there's another feeling that I've never felt before. There's a sense of thrill. I really wanted to share what I learnt, what I know. A supposed 20minutes presentation turned into 45minutes (ok, some claimed it's one hour). But it felt like 10minutes to me.

After experiencing that feeling, I finally understood what is the meaning of "true passion". Was reading something just now, that had the sentence, "you need to more than 'like it'. You must really have passion for it". I totally understood what the author meant. True passion isn't something that can be cultivated. It's either in you, or not in you. You can't force it. Forcing will only be self-deceiving. But it takes experience to confirm/discover your passion.

Many people often mistaken 'liking' as 'passionate'. I was once like that too. I thought I have passion for photography. But now I realise, I only like it. But if I tell this to my photography friends, some of them will frown and disapprove. They just don't get it. Not passionate about it doesn't mean I won't work hard at it. But it's not something I can dedicate my heart and soul to. I can dedicate my time and efforts, but not my soul. But I still want to be good at it. Really appreciates that K understood this, and not judge harshly or misunderstand, when I said that I'm just lack the passion for photography. But some just don't understand why I'm not constantly out shooting, when it's supposedly my interest.

Feeling the sense of passion really fuelled my determination and spirit. I'm finally clear on what I want to work towards. No matter how many obstacles there are, how many times I fall, as long as I remain focused on that end goal, on my true passion, on that feeling, I will reach it one day. It's just a matter of time.

What's sad is not not-knowing what's your passion. Many people lead content lives liking a lot of things, though not passionate on any single thing. They live and are warm towards everything. Their lives are still full of purpose, full of drive and fun.

What's sad is people who thinks that they're passionate about something, only to find out that they are only at the level of liking it after dedicating half a lifetime to it. Worse is if, because of this, they lose the spirit and will, losing the focus, and become a living dead. Woe to the person and the world.